Sep 26, 2007

Look at us now!

This is an actual transcript of a meeting between Barry Bonds, Peter McGowan and Larry Baer that took place last Friday September 21, 2007. I can not for obvious reasons reveal my source or sources of this actual transcript.

Peter McGowan: Owner, Managing General Partner, San Francisco Giants Baseball Club.
"Thanks Barry, you know this was really great wasn't it? 15 Years, wow! What Memories? What emotions? Hey, thanks for the stadium man, this place is sweet huh?

Barry Bonds: Former Left Fielder, San Francisco Giants.
"Your welcome."

Brian Sabean: General Manager, Vice President, San Francisco Giants Baseball Club.
"You know Barry I want to personally thank you. A few people may know this but you're the only reason I still have a job. You see, I hear people talk and they say 'boy, won't it be great to see what Brian Sabean will be able to do now that he won't have his hands tied by being saddled with Barry Bonds'."

Larry Baer: Some Fancy Title, San Francisco Giants Baseball Club.
"Can I get you some water Barry? A seat cushion?"

Bonds: "No thanks, Larry."

Sabean: "As I was saying, you and I both know any GM would have loved to have been 'saddled' with you, and if I think about the team I have surrounded you with over the past four seasons it makes me sick! What was I thinking? God, what I would give to get Joe Nathan back. And I know you and Jeff didn't get along that well, but the single biggest mistake we made was not adding a bat to the lineup when we had the both of you. Shoot, it makes me feel warm and dizzy and kind of strange when I think about it. Jose Cruz Jr.?!... Ryan Klesko?!... Ray Durham?!... Twice!... Marquis Grissom?!... David Bell?!... Deivi Cruz, Neifi Perez, Edwards Guzman, Moises Alou, Lance Neikro, Rich Aurilia... AGAIN?!! Jeffery Hammonds, Jamey Wright, Armando Benetiez, Jason Christensen, Steve Kline, Matt Morris, Barry Freakin' Zito, Dave Roberts...

Baer: "Barry, can I adjust your recliner?"

Bonds: "No thanks, Larry."

Sabean: ... Jeremy Accardo for Shae Hillenbrand, and Vinnie Chulk! Russ Ortiz, Matt Herges, Wayne Franklin, Brett Tomko!!!! Dave Burba?!!"

Bonds: "Brian, your being too hard on your self. Burba was here in '93 when I got here."

Sabean: "No Barry, look it up. I brought him BACK in 2004. We won 90 games in '04 and that was the dead-line move that I made? Pathetic, just pathetic. Oh my god, 2004, that was the year I had A.J. Pierzynski hitting behind you, Christ Barry, you're only human."

Bonds: "Brian, it's okay, we came really close, really close."

Baer: "No Barry, we did you wrong, we will in your honor, to apologize for our lack of contribution, ah, put together, uh, ah, a video montage!"

Bonds: "Thanks, Larry, but I won't be able to make it."

Sabean: "Would you two let me finish? Edgardo Alfonso, Michael Tucker, Ricky Ledee!! Jeff Fassero, LaTroy Hawkins, Alex Sanchez, the skinniest guy who ever got busted for steroids by the way. Mike Stanton, Tim Worrell, the second time, he was actually pretty good the first stay here. Todd Green, Mark Sweeney, Jose Vizcaino, Steve Finley! And I promise I am just speaking about 2003 and beyond. Trust me, I have no reason to lie. There is no one in here but the four of us, and this conversation will never get out. Look it up, these names were on our roster thanks to me."

McGowan: "Well, it should be said that we do have some bright spots, Brian."

Sabean: "Really, do you think so?"

Bonds: "Sure Sabes."

Baer: "Yes, Brian you have been instrumental in the assent of this franchise from the first day you walked into Candlestick Park, and I am going to honor you with a, um, maybe, ah, how about a video tribute? Have you seen our new Jumbo-Tron? Its the second largest high-def monitor in North America."

McGowan: "As I was saying, Larry, there are some bright spots. Matt Cain, Tim Lincicum, Omar Vizquel, Brian Wilson."

Baer: "And don't forget Barry... ... I mean the other Barry... Sorry, Barry."

Bonds: "No problem Larry."

McGowan: "And, some of our recent position prospects look promising."

Sabean: "But, I just feel like I could have done something more."

Baer: "Hey, go easy on yourself. Look at us now! We play in one of the crown jewels in professional sports. We have a rich history of Hall of Fame players. We sold a ton of season tickets because of this Barry and the All-Star Game. And we are still the only Major League team with a high-def video board... ... ... and three portly, Latino catchers in their 30's."


The Ghost of Drew Bledsoe said...

LOL. True, true.

At least they won't have any excuse or horse and pony tricks to keep the fans around. Other than the cadillac-of-a-stadium (yes, an attraction within itself). I hope that mediocrity minus freakshows will wake up the quiet, loyal (not you) fan base.

Theo B. Fightmaster said...

No need for the qualifying statements, I know you respect my fandom? Fan-hood? Uh, I know you think well of me in regards to being a fan. Thanks for contributing Mr. Ghost. BTW, the Pats only giving 6.5 on Monday? Is there something I don’t know?

Melvina said...

Keep up the good work.