Oct 22, 2007

There's Only One October

In honor of the best postseason in professional sports, (thanks to games almost every day NFL, but not four times a day, everyday, for two months, NBA, NHL) we will keep this to October and the teams who had the privilege of playing meaningful games this month.

TBS = Refreshing. While Steve Stone, Dick Stockton, and Chip or Skip or some other Caray not named Harry leave much to be desired by those of us who have seen more than zero games in our life, I felt it was refreshing change from the onslaught of Joe Buck and Tim McCarver that Fox slams down our face. Ratings bad? Try firing you audio production staff and let Marcel Marceau, rest in peace, do the play by play. By the way I intentionally left out Ted Robinson from above.

I know I am not the first person to point out Buck and McCarver, but Joe Buck doesn't seem to know sports as well as his hair stylist knows highlights. And Tim McCarver is pound for pound the most orange and terrible national analyst who has a regular gig. I think he took his job title as "color guy" a bit too seriously. Let it go grey, it would look distinguished Tim, and don't let Brittney talk you into the fake n' bake tan next time either.

Before I get too far ahead of myself, are we looking close enough at the Colorado Rockies improbable run? Lets recall that the greatest closer, statistics wise, is due a full playoff share by Rockies management. The Rockies were down to their last strike, so to speak, on the second to last day of the season. The Padres were one strike away from clinching their third play-off spot in three years with their will-be hall of fame closer Trevor Hoffman on the mound. The Brewer's and Tony Gwynn Jr. are down to their last strike when the son of the Padre legend laces a triple to clear the bases and the Brewers prevail. Fast-forward to game number 163. The Padres have just scored 2 runs in the top of the fourteenth and again turn to he of 524 saves, Trevor Hoffman. Hoffman retires one batter and the Rockies now have a trip to the post season and a little history too. Now they can stop showing Dante Bichette and Vinny Castilla highlights to get the fans in Denver excited.

Quickly now, its getting late. The Cubs are okay, Lou Pinella is fine, this is how baseball works everybody, the Cubs lose.

Diamondbacks, great improvements this year. A lot of young talent, a pretty good manager, and of course addition by subtraction, purple is no longer one of their team colors. Unfortunately for them however, they still play in a blimp hanger.

Phillies. How have you not won anything. What most fans would do for either Rollins, Utley, or Howard. You have all three, and if it weren't for the most epic September collapse in history by the Mets, you would have under-achieved once again. I know your ball park is ridiculous, but move the fences in or something. Give your pitchers a chance.

Angels. Please don't sign A-Rod, you already took the Only world series Giant fans had a shot at, don't take a short stop they should try to sign too.

Yankees. You are 25-31 in your last 7 post season appearances. By the way those all came in the last 7 post seasons. Our collective heart goes out to you. Joe Torre, way to stand up for your self over that weak-sauce contract they offered you. It wasn't your fault Chen Ming Wang pitched more like Too Wong Foo.

The Red Sox and the Rockies should give us a good match up. Sox have home field and experience, but the Rockies have, despite not playing since what seems like the first George Bush Presidency, momentum. The Rockies pitchers have a post season ERA of 2.08! To be fair they haven't faced the likes of Pedroia, Yooooouuuuuke, Papi, Manny, Lowell, okay fine Drew, and so on. By the way Brian Sabean, notice a key element in the Red Sox line up? Yep, you hit it right on the nose, major league hitters. I know I promised no Giants lamentings, but I can't help my self. it is truly a disease.

Well let me leave you with an excerpt from Bill Simmons ALCS Diary that had me cracking up like I had just seen Dane Cook listed on VH1's Douche Bag Count Down, true story. Enjoy.

From Bill Simmons "There's only one October diary:"

11:21: For some reason, I'm thinking about these elaborate home run handshakes that have become all the rage (we even saw some in Game 4). Here are my questions:

Question No. 1: Does someone like Lofton go up to Martinez during batting practice before Game 2 and say, "I thought up a six-part celebration in case either one of us hits a homer, do you have time to rehearse it later?" Is that how it works?

Question No. 2: If you're Ortiz and you have to memorize multiple handshakes for different teammates, does it eventually affect your preparation for the game?

Question No. 3: What happens if you're Drew and nobody asks you to create an elaborate home run handshake with them? Do you feel like a loser?

Question No. 4: At what point does the post-home run handshake scene morph into the scene in "Boogie Nights" when Dirk Diggler takes over the dance floor as everyone performs an elaborate disco routine behind him? We're almost there, right?
(Note: I don't have answers for these questions. Just the questions themselves. Sorry I didn't clarify that earlier.)

Before we go, some impressive revelations shared with me by Tim McCarver during game game 4 of the ALCS. I am paraphrasing here, but Professor McCarver explained that a lead-off home run leads to more multi-run innings than a lead-off walk. Brilliant, we look forward to more discoveries during the McCarver led excavation of baseball obviousness.


Luke said...

I like the commentary. I am excited to hear more as the world series continues. You are right to bring up the Rockies' strengths-I seem to pick up confidence on the part of many Sox fans, myself included-I am worried about Dice-K pitching at coors field (assuming he is still #3)
More proof that politicians do not know anything about sports:

From the valley of smoke,

Anonymous said...

im thinking of a number... its between one and seven, and, by the way, its four. Go tiger--I mean Rockies...

Oh well, maybe Boston will become the new Yankees. I guess that's a good thing, right? A new team to hate? Or maybe Boston's got too many dominant teams. WTF?